Conflict in clubs and organizations can be the big “Ouch”. It hurts, it’s not fun. But, it happens for lots of reasons. When it happens, you have to be ready to deal with it. During my 30+ years of experience as a student leader, advisor, and speaker, I have 5 concepts that I share and put into practice to deal with conflict resolution.
These are actually excerpted from my forthcoming book Students as Serving Leaders: Building Leaders Through Service. The material is a little too long for one post, so here is Part I, with the rest in a seperate post.
Dave’s 5 Concepts of Conflict Resolution.
- “If you have a problem with someone and do not take it to them, then it can’t be very significant.” This was shared with me when I was the District Governor for Wisconsin-Upper Michigan Circle K and it has stuck with me for more than 30 years. If you have a conflict or issue with someone, then who is the only person that can solve it? Them!Too many times we talk to everyone else but the person we have an issue with and then wonder why it doesn’t get resolved or go away. It’s like the game we played as kids called “Telephone Line” where someone says something at one end of the line and then it passes from one person to another and ends up nothing like what it started out to be. In my presentations I point out a person on one side of the room as the first person in the line that I tell my problem to and by the time it gets around to the other side of the room the last person looks at me and says “I understand you had something to do with the Great Depression!” First of all, that happened way before I was born and second of all it is illustrative of what happens when we do not take our problem directly to the person we have an issue with.
Take the issue to the person and discuss it. Or else get over it. This should be done one on one. You don’t want the other party to feel ganged up on. You might bring an impartial third party to help mediate but they have to clearly be neutral in the dispute.
- “Deal with conflict one on one: praise in public, criticize in private.”Most people like to be praised publicly for something they have done for the group or an accomplishment they have had. Not all, but most. There are some people who are not comfortable with public recognition, but they will usually accept it.No one wants to be criticized in public, however. It can be embarrassing, debilitating, and make them feel unwanted or unworthy. Some people who are criticized in public may lose their cool and explode in a dramatic flourish of hysteria that can’t be taken back and probably won’t be forgotten by others. A serving leader should have enough respect for the dignity of individuals to deliver criticism in private. “Hey, do you have a few minutes to talk after the meeting?” Then calmly discuss the issue or concern without accusation and offer to help resolve the matter. It is possible they may still lose it, but at least it will only be with you and not the whole group. If that happens, reassure them everything that was discussed and said is only between the two of you… and keep it that way!
- “Use the 3 C method: compliment, criticize, compliment.” I call this the compliment sandwich, where you praise a person on both sides of a critique. Such as, “Hey Ronnie, you have so many great ideas, but when you talk out of turn it disrupts the meeting, so raise your hand when you have input and then we can all focus on your awesomeness!” See? Compliment, criticize, compliment.Unlike my high school English teacher, Miss Due, who on the first day of class our Senior year saw Ronnie being disruptive and said to him, “You sir, are a creep, sir.” And Ronnie was disruptive the entire semester. Someone did point out once that Miss Due did use the compliment sandwich by calling him “sir” on both ends of the statement, but calling someone a creep in the middle of the sandwich is not what I have in mind.
Is this the kind of content and training you would like for your students? I would love to bring it to your campus! Click on the program link here to check it out and then email me at DaveKelly@GonzoSpeaks.com or call me at 770-552-6592 to discuss a date for me to come to your school. Booking me will not break the bank – check out my Affordable Pricing Model for a quote! I look forward to serving your students!