We live in very polarizing and divided times. Rhetoric has gone from differences of opinion to outright disdain, disgust, and hatred of others who do not share the same view. Peaceful protest has given way to violence, impartiality in journalism has gone by the wayside, and the wrong post on social media can get someone canceled, even if they were only 15 when they wrote it, said it, or recorded it.
How do we go from where we are to a place where differences are respected, thoughts are not terminal, and work can be done in an environment that benefits and lifts others up while making educational experiences productive, creative, and fun? The answer is simple, but not easy: support civil discourse in student leadership.
You may not be able to tone down all the noise in the world, but you can have an influence on your students and your campus community. Kenneth J. Gergen, an American social psychologist and professor at Swarthmore College (PA) wrote that “civil discourse is the language of dispassionate objectivity.” Gergen has four keys to civil discourse that you can share with your students:
1) Civil discourse requires respect of the other participants. Whether the discussion or debate is talking place in student government, clubs, organizations, the residence hall, or the cafeteria, all parties to the discussion need to show respect to each other. Nothing can get done when everyone is shouting. You must give respect to get respect. Without mutual respect, dialogue cannot take place and there will be no collaboration. Without mutual respect, nothing gets accomplished.
2) Civil discourse does not diminish the other’s moral worth nor does it question their good judgment. Taking a tone of superiority in a discussion because you feel that your way is the only way will not result in cooperation. Many times there can be multiple right ways, even if only one can be selected for adoption and/or implementation. It is also implicitly wrong to use assertions about background, economic or social status, or previous foibles or mistakes against someone’s opinion to try to diminish their stature in debate.
3) Civil discourse avoids hostility, direct antagonism, or excessive persuasion. Making sweeping generalizations or grouping individuals with others is not fair in debate and can cast aspersions on someone’s character by associating them with less-than-desirable groups. A person’s opinion or position on one matter does not automatically invalidate them on every other issue. Your enemy on one topic may be your friend on others, so be careful not to invalidate opportunities for cooperation in the future with your discourse today.
4) Civil discourse requires modesty and an appreciation of the other participant’s experiences. Your prior accomplishments, victories, or positions held may not have anything to do with the topic at hand. Be modest about inserting them into a discussion because you open yourself up for criticisms rather than having focus on the matter under consideration. Similarly, you cannot assume you know everything about a person’s experiences which may influence them in ways that seem confounding on some topics. For example, I have always worked in positions in the service sector in restaurants, the mortgage industry, and now as a speaker, trainer, author, and coach. You would never know that I grew up in a blue-collar family, many of whom belonged to unions unless I told you that. That background could impact my thinking on any given issue, so this illustration teaches that you should not diminish the experiences of others. What they can bring to the table may actually help reach an acceptable conclusion to the discussion.
5) Bonus: Keep emotions in check and listen! (This is one of mine.) While you may be passionate about a given topic or discussion you must allow others to contribute in order to make it a dialogue. Listen with your ears and hear with your heart in every debate. Move from emotion and anger to collaboration. If you do this and follow the other keys above, then others will be more open to your opinions and positions and all parties can come together to create a win-win.
My take on discussion and debate is if you believe that someone else is not entitled to their opinion, then you are not entitled to yours. Practice these keys in your discussions with friends, in class, and in other groups and see how you can truly make a difference and not just contribute to the noise.
I would love to work you and your students either virtually or in-person. Please email me at DaveKelly@GonzoSpeaks.com or call me at 770-552-6592. I look forward to serving your students! Booking me will not break the bank – check out my Affordable Pricing Model for a quote!
I look forward to serving your students!